Standard male procedure

Sometimes I wonder if boys get handed a book when they hit puberty called "How To Act Like A Typical Male" and are forced to read it cover to cover. It seems to me, well, at least seems to be the case in every guy that I date, that all men act the same!

In the case of one of the guys, he is a friend of a close friend -- basically in my immediate circle of friends. We all know how messy that can be when dating friends (trust me, I know how it goes all too well) but that's the thing -- NOT ONCE did I say anything to this kid about dating! I've come to realize that guys just expect girls to want relationships. Sorry, but I'm not exactly looking to jump right into his and hers toothbrushes and grocery shopping dates. How dare he assume that. Just because I'm a woman I'm not allowed to have a guy friend to hook up with occassionally? I've not heard from him since the last time I saw him, which included an awkward night in which he completely ignored me to hang out with our other friends. His reaction was childish and completely unecessary: be an adult and talk to me about what's going on in your head instead of treating me like a leper.

Another guy who fits the bill is among the people who I play a co-ed sport with. We've always had a flirty thing but it's not what you would consider serious. We started texting a little bit a few months ago, then recently, he invited me over and subsequently text me a few random drunk texts one Saturday night. I never met up with him, but it was interesting that he took it to that point. Then, after his suggestion, he disappeared too! No texts, no calls. Was he embarrassed? Or just over it? Then yesterday he texted me, and added in a little sexual innuendo. I'm just not sure how to react to it all -- just go with it or ignore the creep because he clearly only wants to talk to me on his time?

A caveat to all this: I date the same guy. Obviously not THE same guy, but I absolutely have a type. I love the "bad boys" -- not the grungy, tattooed bloke but the guy who is on the edge of normal. He does what he wants. He refuses to listen to rules and has the allure of mystery to him. He blows you off sometimes without giving you a reason. I've come to realize that I like the challenge of getting that type of guy. I know I can get the "nice guy" without much resistance, but what fun is that!? I'm not looking for a ring at this point in my life so the bad boy is just the type to go after.

Except that guy tends to break my heart because he can't be tamed. It's a catch 22 -- I want him because he's unattainable but because he's unattainable he'll never truly be mine.

So, in summation, all of the guys I've gone after lately have ended up acting like the stereotypical bad boy. I should know what I'm getting into but for some reason I hope that it'll be different. Stupid, I realize. I just wish boys would communicate better. Say how you feel and cut the bs games. Am I asking too much?

You dress better than me

As someone who is obsessed with all things fashion, it's probably the biggest blow to my ego when my date looks better than me. I had that experience on Saturday.

We planned to meet up for drinks & dinner at this super casual Mexican place in my 'hood. I wore a pretty flowered dress from H&M with a matching Zara cardi -- nothing crazy, but simple and cute. My date walks up to me and I thought to myself, "....damn." He was rocking a Ralph Lauren big pony polo in a nantucket red color and Seven for All Mankind jeans. I loved it but felt out-labeled.

The date itself was sub-par. He was awkwardly smart and made it very difficult to talk to him. I kinda wanted him to stop talking so I could just look at him.

In his super preppy duds.

Pretty bastard.

Does size really matter?

I'm not a tiny girl. No, I'm not fat, but I'm 5'10" and I've definitely got some fierce curves. I cannot be
 with someone who is small -- it just doesn't make sense and it isn't gonna work.

However, a few weeks ago this guy contacted me on POF with a really cute message that said "I don't care if you're taller than me... and least our kids would be tall." A guy's gotta be pretty comfortable with himself to say something like that! He can't be that short, I thought to myself. I opened his profile and was horrified: yes, he was THAT short, at a whopping 5 feet 6 inches.

I ended up going out with the guy because eh, what the hell. We have a lot in common, he's definitely a cutie, but I just can't get over the height thing! Call me crazy or insecure but I cannot see myself with this kid purely because of that.

Yes, size matters to me. Well... at least height does.

Older men

One of the biggest struggles now that I'm in the "real world" of dating is deciding the age range in which I'm comfortable dating. Sure, there are pros and cons of dating both older and younger men, but I'm still kinda figuring it all out. One thing is for certain: old guys love the youngin's in online dating.

For example, this guy messaged me a few weeks ago with the usual "Hi, how are you, let's meet up" and I thought to myself, "Yah know what, I'm sick of being hit on by guys around my dad's age." So, I straight up asked him: why do men want to date younger women? And this was his reply:

Men are more visually stimulated. You are clearly probably too young for me, but you did pose the interesting combination of being tall and I'm tall and were attractive. But men look at women like art, and the perfection that is youth is not debatable. Additionally, when I look at women my own age I tend to feel they have a lot of issues to begin with. They come at you with a lot of pre-ordained notions and will immediately lay down numerous ground rules and they aren't changing. In many cases its almost like prejudice in the literal sense of the word. Meeting a younger woman you think they are a blank slate they are not going to be difficult and have issues. They are going to be up for fun and seeing what happens, they are going to be spontaneous. Sadly Older people are set in their ways, I bet even your Dad is.

Sadly for me, I am very young at heart and have that spontaneous attitude but at my age, people my age that is, don't like that.

So that is it, men look at women see beautiful art works and say, that comes with no issues or baggage and she is amazing too look at, etc. If I were this age and married I would not leave my wife for a younger woman but since I have not married I don't feel bad asking out a younger woman. That said, I completely understand it from your end as well.

Really interesting stuff here. I get that all men want to be with beautiful women, but where is the boundary between appropriately aged beauty and this concept of unending youth? Women have enough pressure put on them by society, and each other for that matter, to be beautiful 24/7, and men are adding to it.

He's also assuming that younger women don't come with emotional baggage or their own issues. HE IS CRAZY. Most women my age don't know what the hell they want and are whiny, needy, and downright bitchy. Some may be carefree, as he suggests, but I think he's giving us a little too much credit.

Did his response persuade me to go out with him? No. But it did give me a little bit more understanding as to the inner workings of an old fart's mind.

And the oscar goes to...

One word: actors.

I suppose that should have been a red flag right off the bat, but it seems my perception skills have been lacking as of late. It didn't even occur to me that this guy, who I met on POF, would put get to practice his career path in his real-life dating.

So I went out with this charming guy for a lunch date at a Thai restaurant. He was tall, very slender, perfectly coiffed hair. We had a great time! Conversation flowed, he was interesting. At the end of the date he gave me a hug, kissed me on the cheek, and even asked what I was doing later on that night. We parted ways and I felt rather confident about a second date.

The next day, Sunday, he texted me asking me if I wanted to go out on Wednesday. Great! Of course!

So Monday rolls by. Nothing on Tuesday. Not a word even on Wednesday morning. At this point, I'm pissed. And, dammit, I'm not contacting him. I watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" -- if a guy wants to see you, he will make it happen. He never contacted me and I refused to contact him.

Suffice it to say we never had our second date and this guy is certainly on the fast track to an academy award.

I'm Back!!

Well, I'm back! My life has been a little bit crazy the past few months but now that I'm settled in my new city I'm back in the dating game full force with lots of new (and wildly entertaining) stories to share. Stay tuned!

xo

Blast from the past

As I returned from NYC yesterday, I settled into my seat on the train listening to music and dozing in an out of sleep. I was drawing near my stop so I looked up toward the door to get my bearings. And then I had a moment.

There was a guy standing near the door whose face I definitely recognized. I could not place him! I kept thinking, "I know this guy. Where do I know him from?" And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. A few months ago I had gone out with a friend and this guy was a friend of my friend. Awkward part: I KISSED HIM at the bar. Oh. My. Hell. Is this really happening? Am I starting to really see people out in public whom I've kissed? What a mess.

I got a good chuckle out of that one.