Standard male procedure

Sometimes I wonder if boys get handed a book when they hit puberty called "How To Act Like A Typical Male" and are forced to read it cover to cover. It seems to me, well, at least seems to be the case in every guy that I date, that all men act the same!

In the case of one of the guys, he is a friend of a close friend -- basically in my immediate circle of friends. We all know how messy that can be when dating friends (trust me, I know how it goes all too well) but that's the thing -- NOT ONCE did I say anything to this kid about dating! I've come to realize that guys just expect girls to want relationships. Sorry, but I'm not exactly looking to jump right into his and hers toothbrushes and grocery shopping dates. How dare he assume that. Just because I'm a woman I'm not allowed to have a guy friend to hook up with occassionally? I've not heard from him since the last time I saw him, which included an awkward night in which he completely ignored me to hang out with our other friends. His reaction was childish and completely unecessary: be an adult and talk to me about what's going on in your head instead of treating me like a leper.

Another guy who fits the bill is among the people who I play a co-ed sport with. We've always had a flirty thing but it's not what you would consider serious. We started texting a little bit a few months ago, then recently, he invited me over and subsequently text me a few random drunk texts one Saturday night. I never met up with him, but it was interesting that he took it to that point. Then, after his suggestion, he disappeared too! No texts, no calls. Was he embarrassed? Or just over it? Then yesterday he texted me, and added in a little sexual innuendo. I'm just not sure how to react to it all -- just go with it or ignore the creep because he clearly only wants to talk to me on his time?

A caveat to all this: I date the same guy. Obviously not THE same guy, but I absolutely have a type. I love the "bad boys" -- not the grungy, tattooed bloke but the guy who is on the edge of normal. He does what he wants. He refuses to listen to rules and has the allure of mystery to him. He blows you off sometimes without giving you a reason. I've come to realize that I like the challenge of getting that type of guy. I know I can get the "nice guy" without much resistance, but what fun is that!? I'm not looking for a ring at this point in my life so the bad boy is just the type to go after.

Except that guy tends to break my heart because he can't be tamed. It's a catch 22 -- I want him because he's unattainable but because he's unattainable he'll never truly be mine.

So, in summation, all of the guys I've gone after lately have ended up acting like the stereotypical bad boy. I should know what I'm getting into but for some reason I hope that it'll be different. Stupid, I realize. I just wish boys would communicate better. Say how you feel and cut the bs games. Am I asking too much?

You dress better than me

As someone who is obsessed with all things fashion, it's probably the biggest blow to my ego when my date looks better than me. I had that experience on Saturday.

We planned to meet up for drinks & dinner at this super casual Mexican place in my 'hood. I wore a pretty flowered dress from H&M with a matching Zara cardi -- nothing crazy, but simple and cute. My date walks up to me and I thought to myself, "....damn." He was rocking a Ralph Lauren big pony polo in a nantucket red color and Seven for All Mankind jeans. I loved it but felt out-labeled.

The date itself was sub-par. He was awkwardly smart and made it very difficult to talk to him. I kinda wanted him to stop talking so I could just look at him.

In his super preppy duds.

Pretty bastard.

Does size really matter?

I'm not a tiny girl. No, I'm not fat, but I'm 5'10" and I've definitely got some fierce curves. I cannot be
 with someone who is small -- it just doesn't make sense and it isn't gonna work.

However, a few weeks ago this guy contacted me on POF with a really cute message that said "I don't care if you're taller than me... and least our kids would be tall." A guy's gotta be pretty comfortable with himself to say something like that! He can't be that short, I thought to myself. I opened his profile and was horrified: yes, he was THAT short, at a whopping 5 feet 6 inches.

I ended up going out with the guy because eh, what the hell. We have a lot in common, he's definitely a cutie, but I just can't get over the height thing! Call me crazy or insecure but I cannot see myself with this kid purely because of that.

Yes, size matters to me. Well... at least height does.

Older men

One of the biggest struggles now that I'm in the "real world" of dating is deciding the age range in which I'm comfortable dating. Sure, there are pros and cons of dating both older and younger men, but I'm still kinda figuring it all out. One thing is for certain: old guys love the youngin's in online dating.

For example, this guy messaged me a few weeks ago with the usual "Hi, how are you, let's meet up" and I thought to myself, "Yah know what, I'm sick of being hit on by guys around my dad's age." So, I straight up asked him: why do men want to date younger women? And this was his reply:

Men are more visually stimulated. You are clearly probably too young for me, but you did pose the interesting combination of being tall and I'm tall and were attractive. But men look at women like art, and the perfection that is youth is not debatable. Additionally, when I look at women my own age I tend to feel they have a lot of issues to begin with. They come at you with a lot of pre-ordained notions and will immediately lay down numerous ground rules and they aren't changing. In many cases its almost like prejudice in the literal sense of the word. Meeting a younger woman you think they are a blank slate they are not going to be difficult and have issues. They are going to be up for fun and seeing what happens, they are going to be spontaneous. Sadly Older people are set in their ways, I bet even your Dad is.

Sadly for me, I am very young at heart and have that spontaneous attitude but at my age, people my age that is, don't like that.

So that is it, men look at women see beautiful art works and say, that comes with no issues or baggage and she is amazing too look at, etc. If I were this age and married I would not leave my wife for a younger woman but since I have not married I don't feel bad asking out a younger woman. That said, I completely understand it from your end as well.

Really interesting stuff here. I get that all men want to be with beautiful women, but where is the boundary between appropriately aged beauty and this concept of unending youth? Women have enough pressure put on them by society, and each other for that matter, to be beautiful 24/7, and men are adding to it.

He's also assuming that younger women don't come with emotional baggage or their own issues. HE IS CRAZY. Most women my age don't know what the hell they want and are whiny, needy, and downright bitchy. Some may be carefree, as he suggests, but I think he's giving us a little too much credit.

Did his response persuade me to go out with him? No. But it did give me a little bit more understanding as to the inner workings of an old fart's mind.

And the oscar goes to...

One word: actors.

I suppose that should have been a red flag right off the bat, but it seems my perception skills have been lacking as of late. It didn't even occur to me that this guy, who I met on POF, would put get to practice his career path in his real-life dating.

So I went out with this charming guy for a lunch date at a Thai restaurant. He was tall, very slender, perfectly coiffed hair. We had a great time! Conversation flowed, he was interesting. At the end of the date he gave me a hug, kissed me on the cheek, and even asked what I was doing later on that night. We parted ways and I felt rather confident about a second date.

The next day, Sunday, he texted me asking me if I wanted to go out on Wednesday. Great! Of course!

So Monday rolls by. Nothing on Tuesday. Not a word even on Wednesday morning. At this point, I'm pissed. And, dammit, I'm not contacting him. I watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" -- if a guy wants to see you, he will make it happen. He never contacted me and I refused to contact him.

Suffice it to say we never had our second date and this guy is certainly on the fast track to an academy award.

I'm Back!!

Well, I'm back! My life has been a little bit crazy the past few months but now that I'm settled in my new city I'm back in the dating game full force with lots of new (and wildly entertaining) stories to share. Stay tuned!

xo

Blast from the past

As I returned from NYC yesterday, I settled into my seat on the train listening to music and dozing in an out of sleep. I was drawing near my stop so I looked up toward the door to get my bearings. And then I had a moment.

There was a guy standing near the door whose face I definitely recognized. I could not place him! I kept thinking, "I know this guy. Where do I know him from?" And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. A few months ago I had gone out with a friend and this guy was a friend of my friend. Awkward part: I KISSED HIM at the bar. Oh. My. Hell. Is this really happening? Am I starting to really see people out in public whom I've kissed? What a mess.

I got a good chuckle out of that one.

Zero personality

So last night I geared myself up for another date. We met online on Plenty of Fish a few weeks ago and he seemed nice enough. His pictures were definitely cute and he seemed normal... and these days, that's kinda big.

He planned to take me out to a semi-expensive seafood restauant in my town. I secretly thought "I hope I don't have to pay for this!"... is that bad? Well anyway, he texted me saying that he was going to be late because of some issue with his parking garage. Whatever. We were supposed to meet at 6 and didn't meet up until 7. I was definitely more than annoyed, especially because I dragged my ass out of bed at 4pm to get ready for this because I was beyond hungover. I could have had another hour of solid sleep...

So when we finally arrived at said restaurant, I was immediately disappointed: he looked nothing like his pictures!! Why does this keep happening!? UGGGGHHHHH. The entire dinner was completely lackluster. He had little to no personality, and, come to find out, he's only in the area because he's doing a co-op because he's still in SCHOOL! And to top it all off, he had a hick, southern accent.

He said he had a great time and hoped that we could hang out again and even texted me last night to reiterate how good of a time he had. I did not share his sentiment.

And yes, he did pay.

Letting go

Letting go of people can be the hardest thing in the world to do, but sometimes you have to let certain people go in order for your life to move forward. I am still very much in love with my ex but I know that I have to let him go.

Over the weekend and last night we spoke for the first time in months. For some reason I thought things would change; that he would miss me and everything could go back to the way it was. But that was not the case. Whatever the reason, he doesn't love me anymore and he isn't willing to try to get us back.

I have no choice but to move forward. It's so hard -- loving someone but making yourself stop. I'm not sure how exactly to stop loving him, because I've loved him for such a long time, but I have to figure out a way to try.  I guess I have to realize that I can't love someone who isn't going to love me back. It's not fair to me. I deserve someone who is going to realize what he has and truly appreciate me for who I am. I need someone who isn't going to give up when things get hard.

Life is a journey and, at this point in my life, I have to let him go.

No connection

I had been talking to a certain guy for about a month now and I had really high hopes for him. He is still in school and goes to a US military academy. Younger, I know, but definitely smart with great career potential! We met on POF -- beyond cute pictures, really nice, sweet guy. What could possibly go wrong with this!?

Well, this past weekend we went out on a date and went mini golfing and went to a winery that had a wine-tasting room. I had a really nice time but just didn't feel a connection. Sometimes people can be really sweet and wonderful but you don't connect, yah know? There just wasn't that chemistry there that I was so hoping would be.

I guess the lesson I've learned out of this one would be that people turn out to be very different in person than they are online.

Au revior, pink shirt guy

Well, let's add pink-shirt guy to the list of no-goes.

Remember how he had texted me a few days after our run-in at the bar? Well, I responded to his initial text saying, "hey it was great to meet you too" blah blah blah. No response. Weird. I wake up the next day with a text from him -- but not just any text, the EXACT SAME text that he had initially sent me! So strange. So I texted him something along the lines of "hey, did you not get the text I send you yesterday?" Again, no response. Then, in the afternoon, I got the text AGAIN.

The entire thing is a little too weird for me. I can't date a guy who can't work a text message. Au revior, pink shirt.

I heart guys in pink shirts

Friday was girls night... aka time to hunt.

Immediately upon entering the bar I saw the one I wanted: tall, cute, and the only guy wearing pink. More specifically, a hot pink t-shirt. Now, to most, this would scream "total douche-bag" or "I love the village people" but I'm not one to say no to pink. And I've historically been madly in love with every gay man I meet. But all this is besides the point...

I locked eyes with the target several times and moved in. I went down to the lower level of the bar and started dancing on my own and would glance his direction every once in awhile to let him know I was interested. He finally motioned to me to come over, which I did. We danced, we kissed. And apparently I gave him my number, because he texted me this morning.

Maybe I'll go out with him, not sure yet. Either way, it felt good to end my streak of horribly bad bar encounters.

Everything's bigger in Texas...except my love life

This past week I was in Texas for a trade-show and had very high hopes of setting the town ablaze. During my last business trip out to California, I met this great guy who showed me all the local hot-spots and wined & dined me. I guess I had grandeur dreams of this trip being similar. No such luck.

One would think that it would be easy as pie to get a date with the crowd I was rolling with. The girl to guy ratio at the show was probably 50 to 1. The majority of the guys at the show were married, but there was a decent showing of guys sans wedding ring. Not to brag, but normally during these shows I get asked out by at least one guy. And guys typically come up to my booth and talk to me.

This time around little to none of said events occurred. The show floor was less crowded than usual, but still! I mean a few guys would pass by and say hello or stop by for a quick chat, but nothing that would ever suggest them taking me out. Did I have "desperate" written on my face or something?

One guy did stop by and give me an invitation to a sponsored party later that night, which meant free booze and an opportunity to maybe meet someone. He wasn't half bad and definitely considered him a prospect. Either way I was going to go if for no other reason than to go sailing with the captain on someone else's dime.

Fast forward to the party: I didn't run into him until the end of the night and when I did, he said "hey, I'm going to play air hockey!" Ummm, you do that. And hanging out with my much older bosses the majority of the  night probably wasn't helping.

It's definitely safe to say that the most action I got in Texas was at the airport. I was felt up and searched by TSA because clearly I look like a terrorist.

Oh well, maybe next time.

The mistake that keeps on haunting me

So remember how I texted X by mistake? He's texted me several times since then. It's starting to creep me out. It started with "Hey, are you alive?" and this morning was "Can we talk?"

No, we can't talk. Which is exactly why I haven't responded to any of your texts. So please stop.

Amature mistake

I made a big mistake the other day, not only in the world of online dating, but in the world of dating in general -- I texted the wrong person!

I had met 2 guys online with the same name and saved one as "X" and the other as "X Lawyer" because, well, he's a lawyer. The first guy was a huge creep and I stopped talking to him awhile ago but never took his number out of my phone. Well, I went to text X Lawyer the other day and mistakeingly texted X saying "hey! how are you? long time no talk..." And when X responded I realized the mistake I had made. Shit. I didn't want too seem like I was genuinely interested, but I didn't want to be a total jerk either. So I just never responded.

And what have I learned? Delete the losers from your phone. Or don't get losers' numbers to begin with. Or just stay away from guys with the same name.

MeetingMillionaires.com

I joined a new dating website called MeetingMillionaires.com. Now, before you judge me for being a money-grubbing gold digger, let me explain.

Before I signed up for the site I checked it out a little bit and wanted to see if this was a gross old-guy-wants-twenty-something-whore kind of thing or something a little more legit. Well, turns out it's definitely legit. You can sign up as an attractive female, successful female or both (or male if you just so happen to be one). Then you choose what kind of guy you're looking for -- either an attractive male, successful male, or both. Since money is not the only reason I joined, I selected I'm interested in both. I like this site because not everyone's profile is approved -- it's selective. And I like the fact that you probably aren't going to find anyone on here who's working at McDonald's for a living.

So far I've gotten 3 messages from guys who are attractive AND have really good jobs! Success is sexy to me. I'm not talking about stricly monetary success here -- I think it's wonderful when a guy has goals and dreams and is driven to succeed.

I definitely have a better feeling about this site than OkCupid or POF. Stay tuned!

I don't care that you're Italian

What is it with some guys and their obsession with telling every person they ever come in contact with that they're Italian!?

I've seen this way too many times: guys bragging about being Italian. They love Italian food because, *gasp* guess what -- they're Italian. They have big, loud families but they love them. They love to cook -- you guessed it-- Italian. In online profiles they mention their Italian-ness over, and over, and over.

News flash: I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE ITALIAN. That's really great and all that you're proud of your heritage, but I don't need to hear about that right off the bat. You don't see me running around saying, "OMG I"m Polish!! I love keilbasa!!" And, quite honestly, it's a huge turn off for me when a guy is so proud to be Italian. To me it's anti-sexy.

All you over-the-top Italians out there: tone it down because honestly, the only person who cares is you.

Profile names

One of the most interesting parts of online dating has been seeing the profile names people choose. Do these people really wonder why they're still single?

For example, SexyTanBadBoy. All set actually. Not really interested in dating someone who is 34 years old and still refers to themselves as a "bad boy."

Set-back

Every now and again my ex pops back into my life and brings me right back to square one. I've been doing so well trying to move on from him but last night set me back -- again.

I know he was only trying to be nice but he texted me his condolences for a death in my family. I responded "thanks" and he texted me again after that, to which I didn't reply. He called me hun. He said everything I would want him to say. And that's the problem -- he just says these things and I don't think he really means them. Obviously he was trying to be nice by reaching out but he doesn't get to do that anymore. He doesn't get to be my rock. He doesn't get to be the person I go to for comfort anymore. And that's exactly the person he was trying to be last night. It was all too familiar and I missed that, missed him caring.

Every time he contacts me I go into a tailspin. I want to move on, but at the same time, I don't because I miss him and I want things to work out. Cutting him out of my life was working but then this happened.

I'd take a bad date over this anyday.

Can I stalk you?

Saturday night I went out with one of my best girl friends with every intent of having a great night and finding some hot guys. HA. I need to stop dreaming.

We went to a local hot-spot, got drinks, and starting chatting at our own table. About an hour or so later, a bachelor party entered the place and came over to where we were sitting. Upon first glance I realized they weren't that attractive, so I was immediately disappointed. Of course, the not-hot boys just HAD to come over and start conversation with us -- and of COURSE the guy who starts the talking is married. At least they bought us a round.

One guy took a particular liking to us and we all starting chatting. At one point he says, "Do either of you watch 'The Jersey Shore'?" I said yes and my friend replied no, and I asked him why. He said, "well, you [my friend] look like you don't and you [me] look like you do. So I ask, "what do you mean I look like I do?" and he responds, "you look predictable." Ouch. Really!? This kid really just called me out. I'm sorry I look predictable to you and you know absolutely NOTHING about me and I'm probably one of the most unpredictable girls you will ever meet. Whatever, screw him.

After this ordeal, we decided to go to another bar to try our luck again. Well, bad luck followed us. After getting drinks, we made our way toward a table and a guy stopped me by tapping my arm and saying "hey, you're beautiful." Original. Then he said to me, "can I stalk you?" Oh. My. Hell. Was he serious!? Did he really use that as a pickup line!? We left the bar pretty fast after that.

Not really sure why, but we decided to meet back up with the bachelor party at a club -- well, I guess we decided to because they got a VIP table and a bottle. Free booze works for me! We got there and they were pretty well wasted by this point. The married guy from earlier was grinding on various different girls. The "predictable" guy was dancing with my friend. And another one came up to me and tried to dance with me, I didn't want to, and he said, "fuck you, you're no fun."

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with guys!? You don't talk to women like that, period. You don't swear at them. You don't say rude things to them. And if you're married, you certainly don't go around dancing with any old random girl! This whole evening was such an epic fail.

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